<b>In the future Jordan and I are going to steal the time machine from ‘The Time Machine’ and go to the 80’s and live there forever and ever and not care about anything because we will be cool 80’s folk. ;o </b>
I'm always a mess. I can never keep my own secrets. I laugh too hard at stupid things. My favorite songs make me cry and I always watch for 11:11, though I miss it more than I catch it. I love in the past, in the memories I have, with the people I love. I hate thinking about reality and I'm so homesick it's not even funny. But not homesick in the miss your home kinda way. Maybe it's more like heartsick, for all the the things I can never get back. It's hard for me to define myself. I guess I'm unknown. The girl who loved so hard and got nothing in return. I don't want to be a heroine in a tragic love story. I just want the person who has never given me a second thought to want me back.
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do you remember how we used to melt? do you remember how it felt? i love you, but that has nothing to do with meaning it. a simple love with a complex touch. whatever you say and whatever you do, i am here to say i am through with you.
i really wish i could tell her all that. >:(
mary clarke you piss me off so much. how can i even call you my friend anymore, let alone best friend. i know ive ‘chnagnged’ but you’ve changed alot more than me. at least you’re different around me, you make me feel so stupid even though you know i do be joking. and you always have to be better than me, which you’re not and i can see straight through you when you act all weird because i got a question in math quicker than you or because the art teacher is already talking about colleges for me. you always tell lies and not just to me but to everyone, it’s unbeleiveable how mucch of a bull shitter you are. you make up stories to make you seem more interesting. but it just makes me think you’re a prick. and then if im telling a story which happens to be completely tru you stare into space like it’s not even important. that makes me so angry, i always listen to your stories even thought they’re all bull crap. and then you ask me for monet after ignoring me the whole day and expect me to give it to you, you’re so fucking changable, like you’d be happy one minute and all talking one minute but the next you’d be all distant from me and ike you don’t want to be near me. i’ve also npticed that im the only one you’ve been doing this to? i know i didn’t do anything.
remember last friday you went to shannons house for the foroige party, although we had made plans to get ready for it at your house the sunday before. you completely bailed on me, like wth. you didn’t have to go to shannons, you could have said no? it’s not like she’d have been on her own. she did after all have aisling c, kim, leanne, aisling b, olivia and rebecca.. i had no one else to go with and because of you i ended up not going.
thanks mary.
but i don’t know what’s up with you. but we all have problems and since you’ve been all weird i’ve had noone to talk to about mine, like how i’m restricting again and cutting and fucking depressed. now im alone. tbh i really wish i was dead, i just can’t be fucking happy. (n)
if we were still together it’d be 157 days today :( i miss you so unbeleivebly much :(
formspring me
http://www.formspring.me/amyregan please (: and i will bake you cookies xoxo
"So you are craving food right now, huh? What do you think you are doing?! Don’t you dare go anywhere near food! Don’t touch it, don’t even think about eating it. What do you want to become, a fat cow?! I am your best friend, and if you eat, you are failing me and letting me down. If you eat, it shows how little self control you have. That pain in your stomach right now, that is me, and that is your fat melting away. Summer is coming. You want to be able to walk around at the beach in your bikini, don’t you? You want to be able to walk around in your bikini with your flat, firm little stomach and your toned little thighs. You want to be able to run your hand over your stomach and feel your ribs. You want to go to the shops and see that skimpy outfit and know you would look damn good in it. You made a commitment to me. I am your life, am obsession. Don’t break what we have. I will give you everything you want, but you have to give me what I want. And I want you to stay away from food. Go have some water. Go drink some tea or coffee. Or better yet, go to the gym fattie! Don’t show me what little self control you have. Don’t defy me. You will regret eating as soon as those calories and fat slip past your tonsils and down into your body to that extra roll of fat on your stomach. You are going to get cellulite. I can give you so much. I can give you a great body. Show me your control and I will show you a flat stomach. Show me you love me and can keep me a secret and stay away from food and I’ll give you those shaped little thighs. Show me you can run until you drop and I will give you a cute ass. If you eat now and throw away what you are working for, I will hate you. And you know you will hate yourself. You have a meal plan, you have goals and dreams. Don’t throw that all away. Don’t give up what you really want, for something you want now. Don’t eat fattie. Don’t fail me. Don’t eat."
